A MIND IS A TERRIBLE THING AND IT MUST BE STOPPED!!!

The title could not be more accurate. Probably not for my ultra intelligent readers, but my pea brain.... Bullseye!!! My mind has spent a lot of time trying to figure what caused me to spin out of control in late March of 2023. I have been told by wiser people that my writing is amateur at best, whoops wrong post, we will leave that for another day. What i have been told is there may not be an answer to my sudden attack of panic and just maybe searching for the reason is a complete waste of time. No having an answer to everything is sometimes a fucking answer gosh dammit!!! My words, not the wise peoples!!! Well, my analytical brain does not buy that. Even if it should. So, let us travel back to late 2022 and pose some possible causes of my soon to come near death experience. In a total creatively made up by me and not stolen from a movie title of....

The Perfect Storm:

In October of 2022 I went for my annual physical and was told that my cholesterol was too high and my doctor recommended I start taking a Statin. I hesitantly agreed. After taking the Statin, I began to have muscle soreness and feeling gassy. I complained to my doctor, who immediately changed my medications too many times to count. Unfortunately, the symptoms did not get better. In fact, I also started complaining of chest pains. This immediately set off a red flag with my doctor referred me to a heart specialist in November. After filling out a bible worth of forms and calling for an appointment I was told by the heart peeps that the earliest they would see me was January 23rd. No rush guys, JB's ticker might explode at any time but what is another month or so? Let the waiting begin.

Good news came soon after. I was invited by my friend Max to go on a fishing trip. Ahhhh fishing, for me it's the ultimate escape and stress reliever. Seriously, what could be better than heading miles offshore to the bluest of blue waters?  Absofuckinglutely Nothing!!! This was an extra special trip because American Red Snappers were still in season. The day started off as expected, I arrived at the dock and met the crew consisting of Max's good friend Heath and two older gentlemen from Max's hood Fred and Gus. The crew loaded the boat and we headed west on our journey to the fishing grounds. Abut an hour and half later we arrive at our first spot and began to drop our lines in. Although it was a bit sportier than the crew would have wished nobody seemed to mind, probably because the Red Snappers were biting. Abut this time we noticed Fred struggling with a larger fish that he eventually got into the boat. Fred seemed a bit winded after the fight and decided to take a break as the rest of the crew continued catching fish. Moments later we noticed that Fred had moved to the helm and started complaining about feeling a bit light headed and dizzy. Then without a pause, Fred went limp and passed out. Luckily, Gus and Heath were nearby to catch him before he hit the deck. The two men carefully got him to the stern of the boat and tried to get Fred to respond. Heath applied wet rags to his neck and arms as Gus continued to try to communicate to Fred. Meanwhile Captain Max called the coast guard for assistance on his satellite phone and also contacted his wife to let her know what was going on. Max also made the decision to have me push the emergency button on the EPIRB so the coast guard would know our exact location. It seemed like time was moving fast, and may have only been minutes, but Fred was still unresponsive and the situation seemed dire. Gus was preparing to start CPR when suddenly Fred began to come back life. Captain Dax called the coast guard back to let them know our situation and that we were heading back to our home port. They let him know that they would monitor our movement and possibly intersect us. We quickly secured all the fishing gear to make way back to shore. Funny now, but Heath actually asked Captain Max, as if Fred did not almost die, if he could take a quick dip before heading back. This requested was naturally ignored. The hour and half ride in was mostly silent. We checked on Fred to make sure he was still doing ok and offered him water and Gatorade. On return, Fred's wife was waiting for us at the dock and quickly whisked him off to the emergency room for further evaluations. We found out later, not long before the fishing trip Fred had a similar incident while hiking. That would have been some crucial information to maybe know before leaving the dock!!!

Captain Max and I discussed this trip for several weeks after and I still think about it to this day. No matter how prepared you are on the water, when you are hours away from help and shit goes wrong there is nothing anyone can do to prevent it. Captain Max summed it up best "Bennett, we came really close to coming in with a dead body!!!

That shit sticks with you!!!

January 2025 finally arrives and it is time for me to finally met my very own heart specialists. The doctor and I discussed my symptoms and I give him my professional diagnoses of problem resulting from Statin medication. He request that I get a CT Scan and scheduled a simple stress test. I went the next day to get my CT Scan. Of course the stress test needs to be done thru the hear specialist and the earliest that can be done is March for fuck sake!!! Do any of you listen to talk radio? I know, probably not. The station that I do runs a CT Scan commercial that I have heard everyday for the past 3 years about 10 times a day. The commercial goes something like this: " You know what the first symptom of a heart attack is? SUDDEN DEATH!!! So, Come to Joe Blows CT Scan and get fifty percent of your scan so you and your family can have peace of mind." Some CT Scan facts, it measures how much blockage or build up you have in the arteries' going to your heart. Ideally you want to be a 0. Over 400 is really bad. JB's score 369!!! Holy fuck!!! A few days later, I spoke with my heart doctors assistant and was instructed to start taking a baby aspirin and now my simple stress test was bumped to a Nuclear test. At least I have a couple months to worry and over analyze the results and think every possible bad thing that may happen to me and my clogged up arteries'.  

While I think and debate these things, the Bennett's had a great trip to Europe planned. We visited London, Paris and Switzerland in early March and had an awesome time!!! The vacation definitely helped with the negative thoughts I was having. Even though some discussions with our good friends centered around health subjects that we all were experiencing it was nice to be able to share the issues with each other. I can say it was one of the best times I have experienced with my wife and kids. Unfortunately, nothing last forever and it was finally time to come home and see what is really up with my heart. The last week of March had finally arrived. On that Tuesday I came to my heart specialist office to have My Nuclear Stress done. The first step is to stick an IV in my arm and let the nuclear liquid flood my body. Then I was strapped down to a table and machine slowly scanned around my chest area way to closely for what seems like hours. The next step is to put me on a a treadmill and attempt to get my heart rate up to a predetermined rate or make it explode, which ever comes first. They were unable to kill me, but did finally get me up to the heart rate they desired. Lastly, I was put back in the slow scanny machine again. Hours later, the technician said that my Nuclear Experience was over. I Anxiously asked, "What's the results???" You guessed it, I would need to set up yet another fucking appointment to get my results after my heart specialists reviews my test. That wouldn't be until early April!!!  I felt deflated. I also for a few weeks started to feel tingling in the hands and arms an also a weird sensitivity to cold air. Like the air coming out of the cars AC. That Friday afternoon at work I had a extreme tingling throughout my whole body. I panicked and was sure I was having all the signs of a heart attack. SUDDEN DEATH to me was Imminent!!!

End of movie, errrr story, roll credits!!!

So, did the above tale cause what I now know was a panic attack??? Or.....

Was it a lifetime of worrying that finally just came to a sudden head??? Or....

Was it the time, not so long ago, while in the shower admiring my muscular frame and six pack abdominals? Kidding, just seeing if anyone is still reading. While I was in the shower and realized I wasn't immortal and like every other person on this earth am going to die??? Sorry guys, it is the truth.

As I stated in the beginning I may ever know the answer to my question and just maybe that is O.K.

I can tell you this, I don't fear death. I fear not being there for my loved ones. Not being here to support them and help them along the way. Seeing their highs and lows and adding advice I may have learned along my own journey. Not being able to give them shitty sarcastic bad advice that they know is just my way. But since they know me, they know that it is my weird way of showing love and one of the things I see in them that I am extremely proud to pass on.

Love and Peace!!!