DA”MAnaGED”!!!

To whom it may concern,

Why yes I do have something I would like to talk about.

Btw If you’re reading this you are the whom. 

First off, it’s not you it’s me. The past few months you knew I was ready. Because you are wise beyond your years and have been one of the major things to change the way I now live my everyday life. In your words, I am “managed”. As discussed, this is hard for me to understand since I feel I have managed myself and others most of my life. I do believe I am better at listening to others now. And I’m working on being more compassionate to who it truly matters. That’s right, myself. All why trying not to should all over myself. 

I will miss our once weekly and recent monthly talks. You have made me aware of things that maybe subconsciously I knew, but somehow was trapped or hidden inside that needed to be explored. Sure I did the work, but without the push or guidance I’d still be a highly functioning anxious fuck operating as nothing was wrong at all. I still am more sensitive than I want to be. And think every little body sensation might be the good lord or tooth fairy coming to get me. But these sensation are slowly getting back to normal as well.

It hasn’t been all roses though. I recall times where you wanted to force me to re-live my panic attack, I guess to possibly make me have another panic attack. Read books about death. And even go as far as to let me know that you thought ultimately I would have a widow maker heart attack and die. That’s some dark shit!!! Ohhhh and you wanted to make me cry. Damn!!!

So in closing and in your words, “how does this make me feel?” One word, conflicted. On one hand, as horribly written above, I feel like I’m losing a friend. Even if in this case I happen to be paying you. On the other hand, I am “managed” and know if I truly need you you’ll be there. It’s time for me to continue to grow and heal on my own. Hopefully, this will open up a spot for someone out there in need to call on your expertise. Will they be as intelligent, witty and sarcastic as yours truly? I highly doubt it!!! I’m not big on saying goodbye, but rather will say thank you from the bottom of my soon to explode heart. Thanks for being a huge part of getting my life back on a healthy path.

Ohh and let management know I refuse to become a fucking butterfly. I prefer to stay a plain old caterpillar knowing the world will someday be over for all of us and that’s ok. Enjoying my remaining time and attempting to make positive differences in others along the way. That’s enough beauty for me. 

I’m forever grateful!!!

Peace and love!!!










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