Soccer’s The Worlds Religion and Southeast High's Hell

Another trip down memory lane. This time we visit JB at Southeast High during his junior year. 

Just finishing the football season, it was time to join our soccer team and continue my pursuit of athletic greatness at my Alma mater the fighting Seminoles.  Our coach knew absolutely nothing about the sport of soccer and even less about the make up of his rag tag team. He was one of the school's PE Coaches and more than likely got voluntold that he was to be the soccer coach. Like most coaches back in the day, he wore those sweat pants that when you moved made a swishing sound. The coaches only thought on the sport was if you could run fast you should play. Which didn’t bode well for yours truly as I am no Usain Bolt. So even though I had, in my mind, lots of skills I did a lot of riding the pine on the sideline. Coach did let a swift Vietnamese student named Tee Yam play. As well as no grasp of the English language, Tee also had no idea how to kick or pass the soccer ball. He was fast as fuck though and a great cheerleader. After all these years I can still hear him yell “Let’s Go Sem A Know!!!” in his broken english.  It'll  forever be stuck in my head. 

To say our team sucked would be an understatement. We took many L’s that year. One thing we didn’t lose that year though were physical battles on the field or even the occasional bench clearing fist fights. Which we had several. In fact, SE was banned from playing Sarasota in soccer for years after a slight misunderstanding. During part of this particular bench clearing, I recall our coach holding one of the Sarasota players as a SE player punched him repeatedly in the face. Our bench warmers even enjoyed partaking in the semi-riots and most of them were far better fighters than they were soccer players. In fact, the majority of the seniors on this team are more than likely in jail doing hard time, policemen or in politics now. A few other favorites for these guys were drinking hard liquor on the bus on away trips, and if the bus ever dared to stop at a convenience store they would shop lift a ton of shit. They also enjoyed peeing in their empty chip bags and slinging them out of moving bus at cars passing by. AHHHH the memories, Great times!!! I wish I was making this shit up. I once got to play because late in the season one of the regular starters and a friend hopped in the car and went on a bender for a couple of weeks. His family finally tracked him down in California. Upon his return he quickly gained his starting position back and I joined Tee on the bench. “Lets Go Sem A Know!!! 

Did I mention our over his head coach was RELIGIOUS??? I put it in all caps because this fucker was really into the lord. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Praise Jesus!!!  Once, he let me play and I immediately scored a goal and he almost as quickly he subbed me out. As I came over to sideline baffled by his decision, coach pulled me aside and told me “you know why you scored the goal? God was with you.” Which I quickly responded, well maybe god wants me to score 2 let me back in the game!!! Which he never did. To this day I don’t know what god and the coach had against me. And why did the lord make me chubby and slow footed? I guess I’ll should just shut up and be happy, at least I’m good looking and modest. During every game the coach would lead our team of convicts in prayer. The final game of the season one of the seniors asked if he could do the final team prayer which made our coach well up with tears. He was finally breaking satan’s children down into reputable human beings. The players speech went something like this, “we’ve been praying every game for god to protect us, do our best, and we will achieve our dreams. Well, I say fuck god let’s do it for our selves!!!” Probably not what our coach was hoping for. We did win though!!! 

Maybe we were all satan’s offspring??? We will never know for sure. The season would soon end, coach would give up soccer and we would get a new coach my Senior year. But that story’s for another day. 

Peace out!!!

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