WELL I DEEEE-CLERMONT!!!

 

There’s an imaginary place in the middle of the state that married men chase twins and live to tip cows. Parties are had and shit happens. It is a place where time has not caught up with current days. Eighty parties are attended by actual eighty-year-olds with names like Russ and Sal. Friends are invited to stay at residences that may or may not be sets of porn movies. Invitees bring their dogs along without apparently asking and said dog pisses in guests house and humps their pillows. Other guest’s goat celebrities to drink WAY more than they are used to and end up tossing their cookies. We see you, Tiger!!! It’s a place where if you show up a couple hours late, no matter how hard you try, you’ll never catch up to the rest of the party’s drinking level. Big Bright white teeth glow in the early morning hours and PAC10 Ball Rules!!!

 

The Hosts in this imaginary land, are magical. Literally!!! I’ve seen with my own eyes one of the host dance with a guest, fall to the ground and the guest just disappear into thin air. The other host speaks in a weird country language, mostly hoing, hoing ,hoing, and has a hankering for peeing behind/in bushes. The other host may use YOU as a bush to hide behind while pissing and continuing to converse with others. ALLEDEGLY!!!  It’s a place where rare beers like Samuel Adams and St. Pauli Girl come to life.  Pools end up with wigs, walkers, canes and other errant costumes at the end of the night. Clothes sometimes come off, and guests end up in what they think is the hot tub. It’s a beautiful place and sometimes I miss dreaming about it.

 

For some, one time in this imaginary land is more than enough of an experience. Not me. For me, the ending is always the same, there is a guy leaving this imaginary land driving his wife and another couple. It’s a dark curvy road in the middle of nowhere. The driver is silent and driving with purpose. The other gentlemen asks the driver, “you know where we're going right?”  No answer, the driver continues. The driver’s wife shares the other gentlemen’s concern. But the driver does not seem to care, which the other gentleman’s wife appears to find somewhat entertaining. The vehicle continues to go what seems deeper into the darkness and you can feel the angst of the two anal retentive passengers. Does the driver know where he’s going as he gets further from the imaginary place and closer to who the fuck knows where?

 

About that time, every time, I wake up.


Peace!!!

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