I HATE DATES!!!

 

No not the ultra-gooey fruit!!! I’m speaking of dating and relationships. I truly think I would be single forever in today’s world. With all the crazy dating apps out there, I really wouldn’t know where to start. You got E-Harmony, Date My Age, Hinge, Bumble, Match, Her, Tinder, Plenty of Fish, and my fav Grinder just to name a few!!! I mean where would I even start? Well, you know, probably with Grinder. Back in my day you had to bravely approach the one we fancied and ask them to a movie or perhaps if you were really coordinated the local skating rink. And if you were a big fat chicken you could try the ever-trusted hand passed note with:

Do You Like Me?

Yes____

No____

Maybe____

 

What could go wrong?

 

I have to say though I’m extremely impressed by my young readers out there.

 

Learned Dr. Cher my daughter from another mother and father has found a wonderful young man named Sony.  From everything I can see from an outsider looking in he’s got his shit together. Great job, handsome a residence in eyesight of Amalie Arena. What’s not to love? Honestly, the only time Sony may have gotten out of line was at a gathering at the Bennet residence, Cher must have popped him in the nose causing him to stay in line the rest of the day. I kid, these 2 are a great couple and are getting together swimmingly.

 

Speaking of swimming, my own smart and beautiful daughter Dre has recently dipped her toes in the dating pool and appears to have found her Aquaman. I don’t know much about this young man except that he seems to love all things pertaining to water. Swimming and Manatees are apparently at the top of the list. Much like me he must also be into bossy know it all women that control every facet of our lives and will slowly drive us into therapy. Once again, I kid. Sandstram really isn’t that bossy or controlling. Dre, take it easy, just a little gaslighting!!! I wish you only love and happiness and if Aquaman happens to do something to hurt you, let him know Black Manta will be coming for him. It’s a DC Comics reference for you old fucks.

 

Hopefully you young’uns have learned from your older readers. Seriously, look how good were doing!!!

 

Big Crotch had a time where he was like a wild stallion roaming the earth and sewing his oats. Until Tater Tot reigned him in and tamed the wild horse he was. Does he still have occasions when he breaks out of the stable? Maybe, although we all know he’s not “that guy”. The two ultimately make a great couple and I’m happy they have found each other.

 

Sometimes it takes a clown to bring people together. Ronald Mcfuckindonald is a clown, right? My understanding Russ met his Pizza at McDonalds where they both worked. Who knew Pizza was on the menu? Must be one of those secret Mickey D’s items that you got to know someone to get. And believe me, much like Big Crotch, Russ scored. Big time!!! Pizza is an angel. How Russ wooed this heavenly creature is beyond me. All I can think is he has some kind of incriminating photos of Pizza and is holding her hostage. Once again, all jokes. Another great team.

 

And teamwork is what it’s all about. Sandstram and I fell madly in love in 1989. I briefly tried to get away by running to Mississippi, to no avail. We've been together ever since, and I would not have it any other way. Much like the peeps above, we are in my mind the perfect mix for each other. Think Ying and Yang!!!  Do we fight?  Fuck yeah!!! Always agree? Hell to the NOOO!!! Does my sarcasm sometimes hurt the one I love more than anything in the world? A lot of times, but I am working on that. I am by far fucking perfect. But I like to think our relationship is perfect. And hope something our young readers will always strive for in their existing and/or future relationships.

 

 

Love You Fucks!!!

 

 

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