I Love DADDY

I know what you’re thinking, another awesome Blog Title. Turns out the DADDY in this title is an acronym, but more on that later. Let’s go back in time to around 1983 and catch up with a prepubescent 12-year-old JB, shall we? At this point in my life, I spent most of my time, when not in school going to work with my old man Tiny Tim. Probably hard to believe in young JB’s eyes there was less drama away from the house and dealing with Tim’s shenanigans out in what I thought was the “real world”. Here’s a normal workday: 5 AM Tiny Tim opens my bedroom door, “Let go of your cock and grab your socks, you’re in the army now!!!” Literally every fucking morning. I quickly get dressed and head out to our addition that Tim swears he built and paid for with dog track winnings, but we all know that is complete bullshit. Probably if he had saved or invested all the money, he spent either gambling or drinking he could have bought a new house instead of a 24’x24’ addition. Tim is drinking his second cup of coffee and finishing his 2 eggs bacon and toast while scrambling to make calls to plan the day. I mean why plan the night before? Don’t worry, the reasons will become perfectly clear soon. “foreshadowing” Most of the phone calls are wrong numbers, which Tim proclaims, “hey, if were up everyone should be up”. Can’t argue with that logic. 5:45ish were out the door and into the purple AMC Gremlin. Tim is now hacking and coughing and blaming it on the diesel fuel fumes, once again every fucking morning. And the Gremlin runs on gas. I think Tim may have a problem, and its not diesel fuel or the motherfucking fumes. “More foreshadowing” 6:30—7ish we have now made it to the job for the day. We will be paving a Barnet Bank parking lot today. Tim finishes his Quik Stop coffee and I finish my first glass bottle of Mountain Dew. Say what you want, but there was nothing better than a cold Mountain Dew back in the day when they were still in glass bottles. I drank my fair share of those puppies and I’m sure in some way it fucked my brain up. Totally worth it!!! The finishing of the coffee signifies 2 things: 1. Time to get to work 2.) Time to start drinking beer. Once again, EVERY FUCKING MORNIG!!! The rest of the workday is uneventful, and the paving of the parking lot is about what you would imagine a crew of 4 drinking cases of the cheapest beer you could imagine all day with a 12-year-old charge of rolling the finished product. How to celebrate such a feat? Time to head to the local bar, these guys deserve a drink!!! 5PMish at local bar at least until 7PM, Tiny Tim finally has had his fill and is ready to head to the hacienda. Tim “Hey Kid, why don’t you drive?” JB, “Fuck Yeah!!!” let me stop here for you young bucks in my audience. Have you seen an AMC Gremlin??? A Purple AMC Gremlin??? That car was an attention grabber to say the least, which is what you want when you’re 12 leaving a bar at 7:30 sitting on a briefcase so you can see over the dash. During the 30 minute or so drive back to the house I felt scared, anxious, aroused and proud of myself all at the same time. I thought I finally reached manhood on that night. My mom wasn’t as proud of me and seemed a bit disappointed in Tiny Tim. Tim shrugged it off and assumed his nightly position on the floor in front of the TV to start his hibernation. I went to my room and tried to get to sleep, but still was full of adrenaline rush from my experience. I know it was wrong, but all I could think about is how: I Love Driving Around Drunk Dad Yes!!!

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